Confidence

As I continue along the journey of dispatching and life in general, I have been learning a lot of lessons. Touched upon in my last couple of posts I have learned that in the midst of new things God is still faithful and still trustworthy. I have learned that He is also my rest when I feel overwhelmed and I have to rely upon Him when I feel defeated. Tonight, I realized that I have to place my confidence in Him, not myself or my trainer, or my other coworkers, in Him alone.

Along my journey of dispatching I have quickly realized that confidence is very important. Without it, well, let's just say that I sound like a blubbering idiot at times. Frustration comes into play very quickly in those times as I end up making tons of what I deem to be stupid mistakes. Mistakes come with the territory when learning new things, but it is harder when those mistakes can play in a role in life or death of the caller.

The way this job has been going so far in this area is like a roller coaster. At times, my confidence is high on a hill, at other times it feels non-existent. Still other times it's in the middle of the road twisting and turning as I am confident in some areas and not in others. So all over the place which is not an easy place to be.

Tonight as I was attempting to fall asleep, this title came into mind and I started writing this blog in my head. It seems similar to that of my last post and yet it's unique. In a not so subtle way, I am being reminded that I cannot have confidence in myself or what I know. That is where it's similar. But it's unique in that I have been looking to my trainer and coworkers to build my confidence as well as myself, yet they are human like I am too. They also make mistakes. Why am I seeking something from people that cannot give it to me in the long term? Their confidence or lack there of in me does play a role but only for a short time. And this is where my problem lies. I am trying to trust in people that will ultimately fail me as I will fail myself.

Okay, so not so different from my last post. Apparently, I didn't listen to what I wrote as I literally took the trust I was trying to place in myself and put it onto other people. Which is still not where it is supposed to be. I understand now Jesus.

The point: My confidence should not be found in myself nor in my coworkers or anyone around me. People fail, it is human nature. This is why my confidence is in limbo. I need to listen and place the trust in Jesus alone to be my strength, my wisdom, my patience, my everything to do this job and live my life. He is telling me that I am looking in the wrong place again and asking me to listen this time. Faithful as He is, He has removed my burden of fear from me. I am on top of the world right now as my confidence is in Jesus and regardless of what the outcome of tomorrow, the next day, or the next day is, He never changes. He is still God and He is still in control and that is where I find peace, hope, joy, and confidence. Thank you Jesus!